Millennial Refusing to Go to Disney With Wife of 13 Years Backed

A post about a millennial who decided to forgo a 10^th trip to Disney World with their wife has gone viral on Reddit. The post—titled "AITAH [am I the a******] for just deciding not to travel because my wife made reservations for Disney again?"—was shared by Either_Ambassador_54 and has had 19,000 upvotes since it was posted on December 14. The poster notes that the couple, both 39, have been married for 13 years and experienced financial hardships throughout their twenties and early thirties. Now that they can afford to travel once or twice a year, their wife Jess only wants to go to Disney World. "We have been to Disney nine times now, and every vacation we have ever taken together was to go there, including our honeymoon," the poster says. The repetitiveness of their trips has left the poster frustrated. "I'm honestly beyond sick of Disney, and I never really liked going in the first place. Jess knows this, but she has no concept of travel beyond Disney," the poster continues. Was the poster being unreasonable by refusing to do another Disney World trip? Mikela Hallmark, a licensed professional counselor who is the clinical director of Rise Counseling in Atlanta, Georgia, told Newsweek: "It can be difficult when you have two styles of travel in a relationship. But this probably isn't just about Disney." She added that "this couple will benefit from building communication skills so that each can work to learn about and understand the other person." Traveling together can be beneficial for a couple's relationship. A December 2019 study in the Journal of Travel Research found that couples who "engaged in higher levels of shared experiences during their vacations, such as effective communication, showing affection, or experiencing new things together, reported higher levels of couple flexibility and cohesion following their vacations, regardless of the number of vacations."

'Tired of Disney'

Recently, while planning for an April trip, the Reddit poster suggested exploring other destinations, such as Hawaii. "Jess was confused. She asked why we would go to Hawaii. I responded that we could enjoy the spas and go to the beach," the poster recalls. Initially, Jess seemed to agree, but she reserved a stay at Aulani, the Disney resort in Hawaii, which led to further frustration for the poster. Upon realizing they'd still be visiting a Disney-affiliated resort, the poster expressed disappointment. "I told her that I'm honestly tired of Disney and that I just want to have a different experience this time," the poster notes. Jess, feeling she was "compromising" with her partner, was upset when the poster refused to go on the trip. As a result, she canceled the reservation and started looking for a friend to join her at Disney World instead. The poster asked: "Was I the a****** here for not trying to accommodate her request?"

'Communication is Vital'

Hallmark emphasizes the importance of understanding each other's desires: "The poster's desires are completely understandable. If the wife explored with [her partner], she might learn they have a desire for novelty, learning, or adult fun." She also notes that maybe the wife "dreamed of Disney and could never go as a kid...maybe she feels like she has to be an adult all the time and this is the one time of year she doesn't." Patricia Bathurst, a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) at The Oasis Addiction Treatment Center in California, told Newsweek: "It is good that the original poster opened up to the wife about how they feel. Communication is vital." Bathurst advises that both parties should communicate clearly and thoroughly about their travel plans: "While it's a good step forward that the poster's wife was trying to compromise in this situation, she booked the resort without communicating with [her partner] first. It's important that both persons in the relationship communicate and be on the same page regarding travel plans." Bathurst also suggests the wife consider therapy to address potential anxiety-related issues behind her consistent preference for Disney. Raul Haro, a LMFT and registered nurse at Pathways Recovery Center in California, told Newsweek: "Such a scenario reveals a far more important concern of communication, compromise, and unrecognized issues in relationships." Haro highlights the need for equal weight in decision-making and understanding each other's emotional needs and values. He said: "If one of the partners feels overlooked or silenced, they might become bitterly irritated which shows that both partners are not functioning well regarding respect and affirmation of each other's opinions."

'Totally Unfair'

Users on Reddit were sympathetic towards the original poster. SecretaryPresent16 wrote: "NTA [not the a******]....it's totally unfair that she gets to pick the vacation every single year. Your reaction seems pretty reasonable..." Plastic_Cat9560 said: "NTA. 'Compromising' would be at least letting you have Disney free vacations. She's not willing to compromise..." User beautifu_lmisery wrote: "Good grief, you have endured a lot. Please go on your vacation and let your wife enjoy her Disney trip." User ghjkl098 said: "You have so much more patience than this situation warranted. Nine times?????...That isn't a compromise." Some were more understanding of the wife, such as whimsicalsilly who wrote: "YTA [you're the a******]...you guys need to TALK to each other about your vacations before actually planning them. I think your wife did compromise with you on this." ShadowlessKat wrote: "YTA for leaving all the work to her, not communicating properly, and not recognizing that she did compromise to the best of her ability with your lack of communication." Newsweek has contacted the original poster for comment via the Reddit messaging system. This video has not been independently verified.

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